Damn watches and phones. I know they lie. They do it to torture me, I’m certain of it. There’s no way 5 minutes of running feels so damn long. By the end of it I was gasping for air. I’m pretty certain that it has nothing to do with my advancing age or the fact that I let myself get grossly, disgustingly out of shape. Nope, it’s slow quartz crystals. Or maybe the position of the moon relative to Mason, Ohio. Whatever the underlying reason, I wish it would stop.